Monday, August 31, 2015

New Perspectives, New Beginnings

As I type this morning, I have my smiling, full-tummied, 8 week old baby girl placed in front of me; my almost finished coffee behind me; and my phone set to Rend Collective on Pandora.  Seems like a pretty good morning so far.

And as I have time to look forward and think back, I realize that the fact that my oldest will be starting school in a few short days, just like he has the last 2 years.  Only this year, he won't be just down the hall from me.  I likely won't have a personal connection with the teacher.  I won't know all of the ins and outs of the school and how the year will go.  If I leave him crying at drop off, or he seems like he's a little off and may be coming down with something, I won't be able to pop my head in when my students go to music to check in.

C last, first day of school last year.

And I have realized what a regular old parent feels at the beginning of school.  There's some anxiety for sure.  I'm sure there's some anxiety for my little 2 1/2 year old buddy too.  I know that we can do it though.  He's a "brave little toaster," as my mom would say.

As kids, we have had new beginnings practically every day.  We haven't always been in the rutt that is everyday life.  Once upon a time, I would get up and stretch and wonder what was going to happen that day.  Of course, I wonder that still today, but I have a pretty good idea of how my day will play out.

How awesome would it be if I could give my day to God?  What faith would that take for me?  He already owns time anyway.  And really, all the plans I make may not happen if they aren't his anyway.

Take our newest little one.  We tried for a few months to conceive.  Every month I would get down and wonder why it wasn't happening.  I realized in the process that it wasn't my choice.  I realized that there were people all around me who struggled for a whole long longer to have a child.  And still they may not have one.  I began to feel guilty, but all the same still selfishly longing for that second child.  Our first was not planned on our timetable, so we didn't know what we were doing.  I was a basket case.  And now looking back, it's just a bump in the road.

We have two beautiful and healthy children.  They brighten my day.  They brighten my life.  They amaze me.  And to think, they are secretly stretching me out of my comfort zone.  When I go to my first "parent's meeting" at his new school.  When I go to play dates with Mothers I don't really know.  When I am holding back tears every time they get shots, telling myself that the temporary hurt they feel is worth it to keep them healthy.

So we got our second child (meet Mags).  And I'm learning to really soak it in this time- the smiles, the stretches, the cuddles, the 3am feeding.  the inconsolable gas pangs.  Because I know all too well how fast a newborn becomes 2 1/2 in the blink of an eye.

Here's to new beginnings.
Here's to new perspectives.
May they stretch me to who you would have me to be.
God, I give this day to you.

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