Thursday, February 13, 2014

The World Spins {Faster for Me}

Or so it seems...

I have felt guilty for some time now for not updating everyone (all two of my followers) on my life.

Our sweet baby's first birthday party.

First as a Mommy:  Some days I feel like my world is spinning out of control.  Actually it's most days.  It's just that sometimes, I realize it and try to slow it down by spending time with my now 13 month old toddler.  Other days, I try to chase the clock to slow it down.  And still others, I actually feel accomplished.  Here are some things I've learned now that I have a year under my belt:  time flies; If you don't slow your life down, no one else will do it for you; the perfect meal prepared and the house being clean isn't worth the stress most of the time (though I still try!); laundry is best done a load a day; cloth diapers save money, but are not great mixed with a sever refluxer (more about that later); buying full-priced toys are a waste - children would much rather have a metal coffee can and you down on the floor with them than a new toy; when your baby has a fever on the day of his first birthday party, the show must go on; and finally GOD WILL PROVIDE- when you don't know how it will work out, keep the faith (hard as it is).

Being in the "work force":  Many of you know that I struggled all last summer with what to do- stay or go?  I put in some applications and did a couple of general interviews with school districts, but nothing panned out.  Sometimes, I wanted to get in the classroom so bad, it made me tear up to think about how passionate I was in college and thereafter only to loose that passion and never use it.  And other times, I knew that I couldn't half-way do anything.  I couldn't work as a full-time teacher and a full-time Mommy.  Something would have to give- my family or my kids at school.  So I decided, after much stress and worry, to put it in God's hands.  Late in the summer, a girl friend's husband got a job south of Bham and had to move.  It saddened me because they were they only friends we knew with a child, but I took that opportunity to apply for the job she so sadly left.  It practically fell into my lap to be able to work part-time as a preschool teacher and be a full-time Mommy.  So I got the best of both worlds, kind of.  

Perspective:  It's interesting how perspectives change.  I thought for sure I'd be a stay-at-home mom, just like my Mom, who was a lot better at it than I was.  But God had other plans for me.  And though I'm pretty comfortable now, I'm sure things will get shaken up when #2 comes along... if not before.  I thought, when we got married that we'd have a blast for a year or so, plan for a kid, and then space them out every couple of years from there, adding up to have at least 2, but no more than 4.  I have realized so much since then - like that children don't just appear and they aren't guaranteed.  This is a sad thing I've had to face... even felt guilty for the people I know who are trying and trying, while we are the people who didn't even plan for our surprise bundle of joy.  I've realized that life isn't balanced by time, or ticking things off a list (though I sure love it), OR even about photographing everything to make my life look perfect on facebook (guilty as charged).  I've realized a lot.  And no matter how much I've learned, the biggest "ah-ha" is that I will continue to learn and become a better person (whatever that means), but I'll never have it "all together."  Maybe one day I will, but that will probably be when I'm walking on the streets of gold.  Until then, I'll keep flying by the seat of my pants... trying to make the most of every moment.  Because as cliche as that is, it's so, so true! 

Quickly about cloth diapers

(I hear my buddy up from nap):  They are great and I have used them here and there, but they can be a lot of work too.  And just like when I gave up on breast feeding (see this post), I felt horrible when I put them in the closet, because I don't give up.  And where would the money come from?  But it's worth it to me, and us, for me not to be run ragged over saving money.  Unfortunately for me, saving money can become a bad thing when I micro-focus on it so much.  I plan to use them during potty training so C can feel when he's wet and maybe going back to them with # 2.  But for now, they just don't work out with my life.

Until next time..... and let's hope it's not as long as last time.... :)

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