I'm not a quitter. I don't want to be seen that way and I don't want my son to quit when things get hard. I don't think there's been anything in my life to date that I set my mind to and didn't finish. Like when I ran hurdles in high school, fused back and all... Or when I told myself I would keep my GPA up to keep my scholarships in college... and I did. It's not that I haven't ever "fallen," it's more that I I had the strength and will power to trudge through. As a mother, I have learned so much... More than I ever cared to know about reflux, but so much more. And I wouldn't trade it for anything, but as I sit here pumping my ta-tas for the third time today I am beginning to let go of what I've come to know as pride.
Is nursing good? Yes. But being chained to a pump is not the best thing for my sweet son at this point. I need that time to take care of him, and honestly (and I feel selfish typing this) I need some time for me.
I'm not sure exactly where I'll go from here... maybe I'll supplement... But what I do know is that when you fall, you get back up. And when plan A doesn't go as planned, you go to plan B. And as I think back again, if all of my plan A's had come true, my life would have turned out much differently... and I wouldn't have my life any other way. So, pride bubble, consider yourself popped. And alongside teaching my son not to quit, I hope he that when he falls, he will get back up.